I Ran Away From Home

I RAN AWAY FROM HOME…

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:6-7 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=phil%204&version=NIV)

Not that long ago I ran away from home. Not literally. I am too responsible for that! But in my heart I did. No one would have known…except the ones closest to me. I kept doing all the right things and saying all the right things but in my heart I was a long way away. I happen to do that on occasion. I had an internal temper tantrum, spat the dummy, had a pity party and internally packed my bags and ran away.  My family knows me well so they would have had some idea but anyone else hadn’t a clue.

I know I’m not alone. You get sick of being the only one fighting for a cause, believing in what is right, pushing for strong values, arguing and negotiating for what you believe is right and being so committed to your commitments that one day you just decide to run away. You keep upholding all that on the outside because there are people depending on you to do so but on the inside you quit, you run away, you give in and let them do what `they’ like…  The ones you are fighting for are no longer worth fighting for so you give up trying…

Some people do run away literally. They run to alcohol or sedatives or pain killers or another relationship or literally run away cos dealing with all `that’ is way to hard. But not me. I like to think I’m better than that but I know I’m not. I run away from forgiveness, I run away from the battle ground, I run away not because I am afraid but because I am weary. At some point I lost sight of the next season; at some point I lost sight of the final outcome, at some point I lost the point. Have you ever felt battle weary and wanted to quit but if you do you won’t be the only one who loses. You are too responsible to run away but on the inside you do…

The internal dialogue going on in my head was even more exhausting than the battle I was trying to run away from. Eventually the Holy Spirit begins to penetrate my pride and frustration with his word.  Seeds of truth planted when I am in a good place begin to bear fruit and push through the effort harden my heart and pull away.  His word literally comes to life in a difficult place.

Surrender is not easy but it is inevitable. Whichever voice wins out is the one that I surrender to. I start out surrendering to the voice of my feelings, my circumstances  or simply my selfishness and the enemy’s onslaught but I am also aware that at some point I must surrender to the Spirit of God because He lives in me. Surrender to his voice didn’t come easy. I don’t have any trouble hearing his voice. I just have trouble surrendering to it.  I don’t like giving in even to the voice of the Holy Spirit especially when he begins to press my buttons and tell me to get back in the game. It took me about 3 days to surrender. I am stubborn. What about you?

When you feel like you are the only one and you feel like surrendering or quitting and getting out of the game the Holy Spirit has a way of getting you back in…SURRENDER …you choose who it is you will surrender to…

We run away for lots of reasons…fear, confusion, weariness, heartaches, insecurity, weakness, worrry, resentment, anger, pain, disapointment, selfishness, selfrighteousness, ignorance, protection, lack, hopelessness, desperation and we run away from lots of things.  you may be running away from responsiblity, forgiveness, trust, relationships, confrontation, convictions, truth, reality, pain, freedom, hope…

The morning I surrendered I was reading a devotion by Phil Pringle and it spoke to my heart and helped me see where this internal battle had started… and I hope it speaks to your internal battle…it softened my heart and helped make sense of why I found myself in this position. So I’m back… For a while…http://philpringle.com/_blog/Phil_Pringle_Blog/post/Peace/

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